It's Not Easy To Be Me.

Have you ever wonder what is it like to be the only child in the family?What is it like to take care of yourself when your parents off to work?Have you ever wonder what is it like to be the one who took all the blame though you wasn't the one who created  it?Have you ever put greater pressure on your shoulder than me,who always expected to get the job well done?Have you?I bet you don't.Please.Im just a guy who was expected to be great in everything,but don't you ever forget,I'm just a human being who wasn't created for perfection.My wisdom have it's own limit.I am no Albert Einstein nor Isaac Newton.I am Shawal who is created to be me.Who unfortunately mistaken to be someone great and fantastic.But honestly said,I am not a perfectionist.Though how hard Ive tried,and how many time I falls,I'll never  be someone who is greater than being myself.You might think that I'm the best,but never forget,even the best are on their knees,sometimes.But,whatever you did,what ever you've done and whatever ways you've tried,you just can't be me,because I'm RARE,LIMITED AND ABSOLUTELY ONE IN A MILLION.You can't ever find any other man who are even 1% as same as me.And that's the fact you cant change! =)

I wanna tell you something.

I wanna tell you something.Something that I kept in my heart for almost a week.
I wanna tell you something that you already knew.
But I'm gonna keep on repeating and repeating like an old stereo
Just  to make you crystal cleared that;
I AM FUCKING MISSING YOU!
I know I'm having HUGE examinations on this couple of weeks,
But I just can't deny that my mind and my soul is keep on thinking of you.
It has been a while  since I saw your beautiful  sparkling smile,
and
It has been a while since I heard your voices.
Though I keep on looking on our wonderful pictures,
But none of them bring me closer to you,
Though I keep on texting you.
I keep on missing you,
I told myself that this is the best.
For you,me and us!
For our future and to fulfill my destiny,
To chase for my dreams and achieved my goals,
THIS IS THE TIME GRAB MY OPPORTUNITY
TO SHOW THE WORLD WHAT  I AM REALLY MADE OF!
Oh By  the way,
I miss you Teha!
I'm FUCKING MISSING YOU! =(

Don't act like you know me.

People saw me in different angles.From different situations and they acted like they knew me for quite a long time.Some say that I'm friendly,kind hearted and talkative.But some labelled me as arrogant,pathetic and hot tempered guy.But guess what?I couldn't blame them as they saw me in different situations where my character swings according to the flow.
You can say that I'm the best friend you ever had and worst enemy you ever faced.But you'll keep on be my side because you know that I've the magic that could transform your shittiest day ever into the most  remarkably fantastic day in your life.
People asked me on how I could make them laugh just with a blink of an eye.Well,the answer is,I was Born This Way Babeh!I'm not a magician,but I've the magic to make you smile till the end of your life.
So Please People,
Before you judge me,
Remember you are judging someone who are capable of turning the table around.So,if you can't judge me,DON'T JUDGE ME.I don't mind to have a conversation with anyone,so if you wanna talk to me,just say hi,and if you wanna pick a fight with me,then go ahead,and I can promise you one thing,that I will walk away because I know,a men with wisdom will always win.

Rayyan Al-Iman

Meet YanYan,

Or

Rayyan Al-Iman.

He's our virtual son.His presence makes our day a whole lot better.Though he's just a virtual online game character,but he symbolized love that we shared.Papa and Mama love Rayyan so much.

I know this's insane,

but believe me,we love Rayyan Al-Iman so fucking much.

Insyallah,

If we were given a son,

Rayyan Al-Iman will be his name.

Mama and Papa love yanyan so fucking much!
=*

She's mine!

Isn't She's too beautiful to be mine?

Well

The answer is NO.

But you just have to accept the fact

that she's MINE

AND ALL

MINE!

=)

She's mine.She's Shawal's.

And No one can change that.

=) 

And the Reason Is you.

She love this picture. =)

I couldn't walk.

I couldn't stand.

I couldn't talk.

I couldn't breath.

I couldn't think.

But yet

I'm still here.

And why?

Well the reason is you.

You gave me strength,you provide me love and you gave me another reason to smile.

It's true.

No one is perfect,

But your love took me to another step to perfection =)

You are my soul =)

Teha.
I will always love you.


Teha.
I will always love you.

Teha.
I will always love you.


Teha.
I will always love you.


Teha.
I will always love you.

And That's the fact that no one can ever change it =)

If I were no longer here.

If I were no longer  here,

• Will you be with someone else?
• Can anyone recall my jokes?
• Can anyone called my number and text me that they miss me?
• Will my friends pay me a visit?
• Will someone sing me a song everytime they visit me?
• Will my name be heard?
• Will she be reminded that I always love her?
• Can anyone stop her from being mourn?
• Will there be another me?

Gosh.I wish I knew.

Forget it.

God Damn!

It's a fucking lil feeling when you remembered those time you had with your ex.

And It's lil shame when you still have that kind of feelings and you told it to your

love ones that  you still keep on thinking of your ex.

What have I done?

I'm destroying my relationship.Why must I keep on thinking of that bitch though there's someone

who always be by my side no matter what,and who gonna love me for who I am,

and not for who I pretend to be.

I'm DAMN FUCKING STUPID!

I'm sorry.I'm sorry.But I just can't forgive you BITCH!

And I'm sorry to my one only wife,

Teha for bringing this thing down with us.

I'm sorry.

I have to move on,no matter what.

Allah,please make me stop thinking of that slut and please

I'm bagging you,please

Stop Us from tearing apart.

I love my wife so much.

And I'm not gonna let that slut came across us,

No more!

I'm sorry sayang.I'm freaking sorry.

I love you.So freaking much.But it just that,

I couldn't stop thinking what i've lost due to

that one particular HOE!

I'm sorry! ='(

If she ask

If she asked me

Do you love me?

And I will say.....

Of course me amor.

Will you gave me the world?

And I will say.....

 You are my world .

Who am I to you?

And I will say.....

You are my one and only love.

What If you left me alone?

 And I will say.....

Don't worry.I won't.

Will you left me for another girl?

And I will say.....

There's no other girl after you.

Can I trust you?

And I will say.....

Ask god.And god will say you should.

Dear anja,

I love you.And I will always will. =)

Trust me.

Trust Me

I will always be by your side no matter what

Trust Me

I couldn't stop myself from loving you.

Trust Me

I only have you in my heart and no one on earth can replace you

Trust Me

The only thing in my mind now is us.

and

Trust Me

That I will always be faithful to you

Dear Siti Nor Fatehah bt Hairul,

I love you.I wantcha to know that

there's no other girl in the world

can ever and ever and ever replace

you and your love.

From one and only,

Marshall Shawal 

Nope.There's no one but you. =)

You always reminds me who am I to you.You always told me that there's no one you need in your life except me.You always be faithful  to me.And girl,trust me,you'll always be my number one girl in this world.I know you are afraid of loosing me,and guess what?You wont,even for a second.












 Anja,I love you more than anything else,and that's why I will always be by your side through thick and thin. =)

It's a new beginning =)

Like all fairytale,
Every chapters starts with a new beginning.Every chapters start with a wonderful morning where birds will be singing and the clouds were formed perfectly beneath the sun and it's ray penetrate in the fuzzy clouds and shines every path that we took everyday and night.

Same goes to my fairytale.I didn't know that there's a girl who was actually observing me for quite a long time.Who spent her time reading all my blog posts just to ensure that she knows me well.Went through difficult time just to find out who I am.And girl,thank you for spending your time knowing me.

Who am I talking about?Well,who else than my one and only Anja(teha hairul). =)

She treated me so well.Gave me strength and love when I need it the most.We went through hell just to ensure that no one have doubt on our love.They said that she's an ordinary girl.But wait.She's not only ordinary,she's EXTRAORDINARY!And sadly,I'm the only one can see it.She's not perfect,but can you tell me WHO IS?

Every time I'm awake,she'll be the first one to text me,and every time before I closed my eyes,her text will be the last one entered my inbox.She told me that I'll be her last boyfriend,and guess what?You will be my last woman to be with me in my world.I just wanna be with you,because I know with you,I'll be safe and when you with me,your smile will never faded.

When you with me,

I couldn't promised you luxury or happiness,but one thing for sure,that I'll be with you through thick and thin.I'll follow whatever you ordered me and I will obey all the rules you  made just to ensure to be faithful to you.They can smirk when they saw us together,but we know they'll never knew what is it like to be US.I'll try my best to keep you smiling and feel safe when ever you around me and I will never neglect you for even a second.

Anja.

I know you love me so much and guess what?

ILOVEYOUMORETHANANYTHINGELSE! =)

Siti NorFatehah Bt Hairul! =)

Yes.That's her name.16 and she is MINE!No one on this earth can snatch her away from me.If you does,well,you are actually booking a ticket to HELL!

She isn't hot,but she's BEAUTIFUL,CUTE & GORGEOUS!CARING and PROTECTIVE!and that's why I've choose her and not YOU!

She's my second best woman in my life.I'm sorry anja,but My mom are waaay better than you! =P

She makes my heart goes 'dup dap dup dap' and when she held me in her arms,my heart stops and stare at her love.Oh.Her love towards me are beyond words.Anja,I just want you to know that once you said that you love me,in my heart I'll be saying that I love you for infinite times!I know I'm a guy who had rough time to take my eyes of hot girls,but one thing for sure,my heart belongs to you.And ONLY YOU! =)

I taught no one will understand me well!But I was wrong.because you.YOU understands my language and manage to interpret it well!Oh gosh.What can I say about you?You are just too amazing ! :)

I love you so much Siti Nor Fatehah Bt Hairul! =) I'm gonna treat you better than any other guy who had treated you! 

Have you ever wonder,where's your mom?

"Jam 6.30 petang.

Mak berdiri di depan pintu. Wajah Mak kelihatan resah. Mak tunggu adik bongsu balik dari sekolah agama.

Ayah baru balik dari sawah.

Ayah tanya Mak, “Along mana?’

Mak jawab, “ Ada di dapur tolong siapkan makan.”

Ayah tanya Mak lagi,” Angah mana?”

Mak jawab, “Angah mandi, baru balik main bola.”

Ayah tanya Mak, “Ateh mana?”

Mak jawab, “Ateh, Kak Cik tengok tv dengan Alang di dalam?”

Ayah tanya lagi, “Adik dah balik?”

Mak jawab, “Belum. Patutnya dah balik. Basikal adik rosak kot. Kejap lagi kalau tak balik juga jom kita pergi cari Adik.”

Mak jawab soalan ayah penuh yakin. Tiap-tiap hari ayah tanya soalan yang sama. Mak jawab penuh perhatian. Mak ambil berat di mana anak-anak Mak dan bagaimana keadaan anak-anak Mak setiap masa dan setiap ketika.

Dua puluh tahun kemudian,

Jam 6.30 petang

Ayah balik ke rumah. Baju ayah basah. Hujan turun sejak tengahari.

Ayah tanya Along, “Mana Mak?”

Along sedang membelek-belek baju barunya. Along jawab, “Tak tahu.”

Ayah tanya Angah, “Mana Mak?”

Angah menonton tv. Angah jawab, “Mana Angah tahu.”

Ayah tanya Ateh, “Mana Mak?”

Ayah menunggu lama jawapan dari Ateh yang asyik membaca majalah.

Ayah tanya Ateh lagi, "Mana Mak?"

Ateh menjawab, “Entah.”

Ateh terus membaca majalah tanpa menoleh kepada Ayah.

Ayah tanya Alang, “Mana Mak?”

Alang tidak jawab. Alang hanya mengoncang bahu tanda tidak tahu.

Ayah tidak mahu tanya Kak Cik dan Adik yang sedang melayan facebook. Ayah tahu yang Ayah tidak akan dapat jawapan yang ayah mahu.

Tidak ada siapa tahu di mana Mak. Tidak ada siapa merasa ingin tahu di mana Mak. Mata dan hati anak-anak Mak tidak pada Mak. Hanya mata dan hati Ayah yang mencari-cari di mana Mak.

Tidak ada anak-anak Mak yang tahu setiap kali ayah bertanya, "Mana Mak?"

Tiba-tiba adik bungsu bersuara, “Mak ni dah senja-senja pun merayap lagi. Tak reti nak balik!!”

Tersentap hati Ayah mendengar kata-kata Adik.

Dulu anak-anak Mak akan berlari mendakap Mak apabila balik dari sekolah. Mereka akan tanya "Mana Mak?" apabila Mak tidak menunggu mereka di depan pintu.

Mereka akan tanya, "Mana Mak." Apabila dapat nomor 1 atau kaki melecet main bola di padang sekolah. Mak resah apabila anak-anak Mak lambat balik. Mak mahu tahu di mana semua anak-anaknya berada setiap waktu dan setiap ketika.

Sekarang anak-anak sudah besar. Sudah lama anak-anak Mak tidak bertanya 'Mana Mak?"

Semakin anak-anak Mak besar, soalan "Mana Mak?" semakin hilang dari bibir anak-anak Mak .

Ayah berdiri di depan pintu menunggu Mak. Ayah resah menunggu Mak kerana sudah senja sebegini Mak masih belum balik. Ayah risau kerana sejak akhir-akhir ini Mak selalu mengadu sakit lutut.

Dari jauh kelihatan sosok Mak berjalan memakai payung yang sudah uzur. Besi-besi payung tercacak keluar dari kainnya. Hujan masih belum berhenti. Mak menjinjit dua bungkusan plastik. Sudah kebiasaan bagi Mak, Mak akan bawa sesuatu untuk anak-anak Mak apabila pulang dari berjalan.

Sampai di halaman rumah Mak berhenti di depan deretan kereta anak-anak Mak. Mak buangkan daun-daun yang mengotori kereta anak-anak Mak. Mak usap bahagian depan kereta Ateh perlahan-lahan. Mak rasakan seperti mengusap kepala Ateh waktu Ateh kecil. Mak senyum. Kedua bibir Mak diketap repat. Senyum tertahan, hanya Ayah yang faham. Sekarang Mak tidak dapat lagi merasa mengusap kepala anak-anak seperti masa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu. Mereka sudah besar. Mak takut anak Mak akan menepis tangan Mak kalau Mak lakukannya.

Lima buah kereta milik anak-anak Mak berdiri megah. Kereta Ateh paling gah. Mak tidak tahu pun apa kehebatan kereta Ateh itu. Mak cuma suka warnanya. Kereta warna merah bata, warna kesukaan Mak. Mak belum merasa naik kereta anak Mak yang ini.

Baju mak basah kena hujan. Ayah tutupkan payung mak. Mak bagi salam. Salam Mak tidak berjawab. Terketar-ketar lutut Mak melangkah anak tangga. Ayah pimpin Mak masuk ke rumah. Lutut Mak sakit lagi.

Mak letakkan bungkusan di atas meja. Sebungkus rebung dan sebungkus kueh koci pemberian Mak Uda untuk anak-anak Mak. Mak Uda tahu anak-anak Mak suka makan kueh koci dan Mak malu untuk meminta untuk bawa balik. Namun raut wajah Mak sudah cukup membuat Mak Uda faham.

Semasa menerima bungkusan kueh koci dari Mak Uda tadi, Mak sempat berkata kepada Mak Uda, "Wah berebutlah budak-budak tu nanti nampak kueh koci kamu ni."

Sekurang-kurangnya itulah bayangan Mak. Mak bayangkan anak-anak Mak sedang gembira menikmati kueh koci sebagimana masa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu. Mereka berebut dan Mak jadi hakim pembuat keputusan muktamat. Sering kali Mak akan beri bahagian Mak supaya anak-anak Mak puas makan. Bayangan itu sering singgah di kepala Mak.

Ayah suruh Mak tukar baju yang basah itu. Mak akur.

Selepas Mak tukar baju, Ayah iring Mak ke dapur. Mak ajak anak-anak Mak makan kueh koci. Tidak seorang pun yang menoleh kepada Mak. Mata dan hati anak-anak Mak sudah bukan pada Mak lagi.

Mak hanya tunduk, akur dengan keadaan.

Ayah tahu Mak sudah tidak boleh mengharapkan anak-anak melompat-lompat gembira dan berlari mendakapnya seperti dulu.

Ayah temankan Mak makan. Mak menyuap nasi perlahan-lahan, masih mengharapkan anak-anak Mak akan makan bersama. Setiap hari Mak berharap begitu. Hanya Ayah yang duduk bersama Mak di meja makan setiap malam.

Ayah tahu Mak penat sebab berjalan jauh. Siang tadi Mak pergi ke rumah Mak Uda di kampung seberang untuk mencari rebung. Mak hendak masak rebung masak lemak cili api dengan ikan masin kesukaan anak-anak Mak.

Ayah tanya Mak kenapa Mak tidak telepon suruh anak-anak jemput. Mak jawab, "Saya dah suruh Uda telepon budak-budak ni tadi. Tapi Uda kata semua tak berangkat."

Mak minta Mak Uda telepon anak-anak yang Mak tidak boleh berjalan balik sebab hujan. Lutut Mak akan sakit kalau sejuk. Ada sedikit harapan di hati Mak agar salah seorang anak Mak akan menjemput Mak dengan kereta. Mak teringin kalau Ateh yang datang menjemput Mak dengan kereta barunya. Tidak ada siapa yang datang jemput Mak.

Mak tahu anak-anak mak tidak sedar telepon berbunyi. Mak ingat kata-kata ayah , “Kita tak usah susahkan anak-anak. Selagi kita mampu kita buat saja sendiri apa-apa pun. Mereka ada kehidupan masing-masing. Tak p ayah sedih-sedih. Maafkan sajalah anak-anak kita. Tak apalah kalau tak merasa menaiki kereta mereka sekarang. Nanti kalau kita mati kita masih ada peluang merasa anak-anak mengangkat kita kat bahu mereka.”

Mak faham buah hati Mak semua sudah besar. Along dan Angah sudah beristeri. Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik masing-masing sudah punya buah hati sendiri yang sudah mengambil tempat Mak di hati anak-anak Mak.

Pada suapan terakhir, setitik air mata Mak jatuh ke pinggan.

Kueh koci masih belum diusik oleh anak-anak Mak.

Beberapa tahun kemudian,

Mak Uda tanya Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik, “Mana mak?”.

Hanya Adik yang jawab, “Mak dah tak ada.”

Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik tidak sempat melihat Mak waktu Mak sakit.

Kini Mak sudah berada di sisi Tuhannya bukan di sisi anak-anak Mak lagi.

Dalam isakan tangis, Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik menerpa kubur Mak. Hanya batu nisan yang berdiri terpacak. Batu nisan Mak tidak boleh bersuara. Batu nisan tidak ada tangan macam tangan Mak yang selalu memeluk erat anak-anaknya apabila anak-anak datang menerpa Mak semasa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu.

Mak pergi semasa Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik berada jauh di bandar. Kata Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik mereka tidak dengar handphone berbunyi semasa ayah telepon untuk beritahu mak sakit tenat.

Mak faham, mata dan telinga anak-anak Mak adalah untuk orang lain bukan untuk Mak.

Hati anak-anak Mak bukan milik Mak lagi. Hanya hati Mak yang tidak pernah diberikan kepada sesiapa, hanya untuk anak-anak Mak..

Mak tidak sempat merasa diangkat di atas bahu anak-anak Mak. Hanya bahu ayah yang sempat mengangkat jenazah Mak dalam hujan renyai.

Ayah sedih sebab tiada lagi suara Mak yang akan menjawab soalan Ayah,

"Mana Along?" , "Mana Angah?", "Mana Ateh?", "Mana Alang?", "Mana Kak Cik?" atau "Mana Adik?". Hanya Mak saja yang rajin menjawab soalan ayah itu dan jawapan Mak memang tidak pernah silap. Mak sentiasa yakin dengan jawapannya sebab mak ambil tahu di mana anak-anaknya berada pada setiap waktu dan setiap ketika. Anak-anak Mak sentiasa di hati Mak tetapi hati anak-anak Mak ada orang lain yang mengisinya.

Ayah sedih. Di tepi kubur Mak, Ayah bermonolog sendiri, "Mulai hari ini tidak perlu bertanya lagi kepada Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik , "Mana mak?" 

Kereta merah Ateh bergerak perlahan membawa Ayah pulang. Along, Angah, Alang dan Adik mengikut dari belakang. Hati ayah hancur teringat hajat Mak untuk naik kereta merah Ateh tidak kesampaian. Ayah terbayang kata-kata Mak malam itu, "Cantiknya kereta Ateh, kan Bang? Besok-besok Ateh bawalah kita jalan-jalan kat Kuala Lumpur tu. Saya akan buat kueh koci buat bekal."

"Ayah, ayah ....bangun." Suara Ateh memanggil ayah . Ayah pengsan sewaktu turun dari kereta Ateh..

Terketar-ketar ayah bersuara, "Mana Mak?"

Ayah tidak mampu berhenti menanya soalan itu. Sudah 10 tahun Mak pergi namun soalan "Mana Mak?" masih sering keluar dari mulut Ayah sehingga ke akhir usia.

Sebuah cerita pendek buat tatapan anak-anak yang kadang-kadang lupa perasaan ibu. Kata orang hidup seorang ibu waktu muda dilambung resah, apabila tua dilambung rasa. KataRasulullah saw. ibu 3 kali lebih utama dari ayah . Bayangkanlah berapa kali ibu lebih utama dari isteri, pekerjaan dan anak-anak sebenarnya. Solat sunat pun Allah suruh berhenti apabila ibu memanggil. Berapa kerapkah kita membiarkan deringan telefon panggilan dari ibu tanpa berjawab?"

Copied from 

http://itsabitchunknown.blogspot.com/

:')

When will you realize?

If you ever met this girl,tell her
that I've been loving her
for a quite so long and
I need her in my life
every moment
because
I love
HER!

Every night,
The stars seems to faded,the glitter of moonlight seems to washed away,and so does my smile.I put my life on the line just  to get your attention and I set fire in my soul just to make you feel relief.But you.Never realize that i've been loving you a little too much.
I never been your favorite,but you always be mine.When ever you smile,I know it wasn't for me,but when ever I smiled,it's picture perfect just for you.But I'm just too invincible for your heart and soul.But I still trying to open  your heart and make my love obvious because I know how suck my life would be without you.But no matter  how hard I tried,you keep on knock me out from your sight.But why?
Oh Allah.
Would she ever realize that I'm the one who always be by her side when ever she needs somebody to protect her,to chill her down,and being the punching bag everytime she's on her nerves?I wish she will,one day.Insyallah.

Dear Allah,
I'm hoping the best for her.Please do me a favor.She meant someone in my life.Someone essential to my soul.Please do protect Nadiah bt Mohd Azhar from any harm and danger.Please do alert me when ever she in a deep sorrow.Because I couldn't bare to watch her heart torn apart.No matter who I am to her,she will always be my number one girl.Be it now in past,present and future. =')

Your Fake smile.I've seen it. =)

Fake smile.You didnt think that I couldn't see it,don't you?Well,it's obvious.I'm starting to like you.More than friends.And starting to cares about you more than any other guys did.But you seems to ignored me.I was just about to rise when she pushed me down.And I'm aghast when you were the one who  I saw when I opened my eyes after being buried in sorrow for such a long time.

Sun rays shines brightly in the afternoon.But I've seen rays that surprisingly brighter than it.It's your smiles and giggles that outshines the world.In this misery,your smiles and your presence is what I need to get through and overcome this catastrophe.But the bottom line is,will you be beside me and fought with me?Or will you get rid of me just like she did?I wish I'd knew.

I've learned from my mistakes,and I took granted for every things that I've done.I knew I was a fiasco,but believe me,things changed.As the world spins,my attitude and my soul washed and revived.Things all around me is getting better.So does my life.Though it's empty,but it's occupied with reminisce of the old me.But what are reminisce when it's not being appreciated?

Life must goes on.Whatever happened,I've promised my self to stiffen up my heart and overcome it with a little help of wisdom.Things might not go on my way,but I do believe that it will U-turn to me one day.Till then,I'll keep on dreaming of it.Insyallah. =)

My Miss Dorae-ee-Mon and our Friends

Who is this girl?Who is SHE?How on earth she caught my attention?
There's thousands of them out there,but how could she snatch my eyes whenever I saw her?There's rumors about us being together,but  the truth is I'm still single.Who started it?Is it me making it so obvious,AGAIN?I guess so.But let the time decided.I couldn't afford to fall deep down and sit in my own misery as I used to.I wanna  be a better me. =)
Back to the topic.

Who is this Miss Doraemon?How does she looks like?What's her name?
Well all the answers will be revealed by the end of this post.
Before that,let us have a look at this picture of us.

Miss Doraemon (spain jersey and Along)

The picture above was taken on 6th of September 2011.A day before her birthday.Nur Shalika Noor Azaha is her name.And back there,is Along.Her sister.It was snapped in Nur Izzaty Liyana's huge,beautiful and royal-ish palace!We bought the cake and celebrate her 17th birthday =) Does the cake looks yummy? <3 hee. =D
Before celebrating her birthday,Nizar,Fazrul and I went to Izzaty's house in order to celebrate our raya.We were served some spicy foods!But we kept on saying that it was delicious  even though smokes were coming out from our ears!Oh sorry.forgot to mention that Nizar was fasting on that day.hee.sorry Nizar. =)
I finally met Izzaty's sister.Hahaha.she's smokyyyy type! wohoo.Not to mention one of my friend was ATTRACTED to kakak farah.HAHAHA.Nizar!dream on braather =P Hee.

You guys probably wondering who's this Izzaty Liyana I've been talking about right?Well this is she. :)

Shalika and Nur Izzaty Liyana

Arent both of them are gorgeous? =) Oh not to mention,they are SMART as well =) Smart,Gorgeous,Good Personality,what  else can I say?They are all rounded ;) Oh Oh.did I mentioned that I used to be Izzaty's stalker?HAHAHAHAHA.okay.that was an extra information.HAHAHA.But that was 2 years back.Now we are buddies. =) kan kan? =P Oh dear.Kakak Farah went to United Kingdom to further up her studies. =/ going to miss her soon. =(

Then a week later,Naziha called us to attend her raya open house.I was thinking of not going but as I was informed that Miss Doraemon and her friends wanted to go,so I grab Asyraf's hands and whisper to him that we MUST GO.Asyraf was hesitated to go,but I managed to convinced him to join me.After an hour of convincing and seducing(okay that sounds wrong) Asyraf had made up his mind to join me for the open house.I was jumping like there was no tomorrow.HOOREEY! hee.

As we reached there,
Farizuan and Helmi was enjoying the foods.It was only two of  them.Naziha was no where to be found.The clock shows 7.50 pm and we havent done with Maghrib yet.Hence with a flash of light,we took wuduk and pray in Ziha's brother's room.It wasnt big nor small,but just fit for both of us.(Lucky Asyraf were smaller than me,HAHAHA)
Then after done with Maghrib,we had our conversation.And we also met Ziha's mother.She gave us good advices on being a teenager.Ziha,your MOTHER AWESOME GILA! =D This are some photo at Ziha's house.

me and farizuan =D

Asyraf dinodai? :O

Isnt those picture are hilarious?Well that is just us! =)

A few minutes later,Farizuan and helmi have to go back home :( awwww! :(
But then, after 10 mins they left us,Shalika and the geng showed up!When I saw one of her friend came into Ziha's house.I was about to shoutÁAHHH.IKA DAH DATAAANG! but then I hug Asyraf instead.Hee.

Then we waited for them to make a move for dinner.We actually cried of hunger but we waited for them.Hence we out blast our empty stomach with some bihun =D I  was about to scoop up some bihun,then I looked at Shalika and remembered that she was on DIET!HAHAHA.okay.seriously.Why are you on diet?Arent you perfectly beautiful enough? =D Then out  of the blue,there's this an unknown men entered her house and invited us for a dinner event.I was sooo excited!Without any time to waste,we make a move for our dinner.
Here's are some of our pictures during that night

This is all I have tonight. :) Have fun reading it <3

Oh thanks Ika for lending me your chemistry book.Hee =D

I love you,but you wouldn't love me back =')

It's been a zillion times I've keep on repeating the same thing.I love you.I love you.Without having any doubt,my heart keep on giving you all it's best to love you everyday and honestly said,every minute it's missing you.But I told to my heart that you couldn't take it as it is.It always questioning me WHY you couldn't ?Well,I've no answer for it.

As the days goes on,
You keep on telling me that you know who are you to me.You told me that you respect me.But you still did the same thing.You still playing with my heart,my feelings and my fantasy.You know what is it like to suffered in love,and you told me how badly you injured when you were with you ex,but have you ever wonder how amazingly you have injured the one who always keep on saying that he loves you more than his life?

Then you told me that you had enough with me.And you once want me to stop saying that I love you.You used to told me that you want a guy who always cares about you,took you as you are,love you more than anything else,and when I've evolved to be the men of your dream,you tried to get rid of me.You know how hard is it to be your men of your dream?How hard to transformed being HIM instead of being myself?Why you couldn't be aware of any changes that I've made to myself just to show you that I love you more than anything else?

And here come the part where I really get annoyed of my self.

Surprisingly how you managed to make me cried and bagging for your attention everyday and how sick I felt when saw you saying that you in love with another guy who didn't ever tried his best to show you that you are the one for me.I know I wasn't the best,but I've gave you my best in everything just to be with you.How does it feels like to make me hanging on my hopes and how does it feels like to shut my dreams when I was fantasized you in it?

I felt very depressed when ever seeing his face.It's like I've lost a battle between my love and my life.My life isn't getting better as everyone observed,but at least it has been revived by every reminisce that had shattered between us.Every night,I catches every tear drops before it reaches the floor and let our reminisce be the remedy for my injured,insulted and disgraced heart.If you can only observed what had happened to me,and how your presence is needed here,you would know how great  I've suffered in between this catastrophe.Till then,I will always hope that  Allah will open your eyes and heart to see how badly am I needed you in my life. =')

Can I give you a fake smile? =)

People might saw me laughing.Might saw me giggles or even smile and winked at them.But beneath those laughter,deep inside of me,there's always a presence of sadness.A presence of sorrowness.Despite the adversity in my life,so far,I had never show any sign of giving up nor quit in facing it.

There's this girl who kept me holding and suffered in bagging for her love.It was my mistakes who keep on believing that she's the one for me.As my mistakes getting bigger as the days getting older,I felt that I'm in love with a girl who couldn't accept me for who I am.But between those mistakes,there's a sweet reminisce between us and I always imagining it when ever I missed her.

Nadiah.
How does it feel to received a text every time you woke up,every night before you sleep and at the end of the sentences there's a word 'sayang' with a smile?Doesn't it feel good?And how does it feel to have someone who always keep on giving his best to ensure you notice every minutes that he loved you?Aren't you feel glad?Well,if that ever happened to me,I would be thank full to Allah if you were the one who gave me those texts.

People says that,
Words cant describe love.Hence I want to prove it to you that I love you.And I want you to see how serious I am falling for you.I gave you the best of me and yet,the only thing I received was your furore and anger.I don't mind to gain your anger and I don't mind if you keep pulling me down,because I know,I can get my self back up and keep on showing that I love you.Aren't it weird?But that's  the fact.And that fact is the weirdest fact ever exist in this world.

Maybe people saw me as a 'happy-go-lucky' guy.But trust me,when it comes to love,I'm the weirdest fiasco you ever seen.I still believe that marrying you is my destiny.But you.Yourself doesn't want to fulfill it.Back those days when you were no one to me,I keep on thinking that to make you one of my scandals.But as I know you better,I fell in love with you.I quit being a playboy and start to grow sincerity and being faithful  towards you.But now,when I'm fully yours,you treated me like no body.I used to remember how you told me how  hard you pushed me down,and how great your anger towards me,I will always be by your side and will always whisper to you that I love you.But one thing I want you to do.Quit.Quit fooling around with love.Because what goes around comes around.If you couldn't see that i love you with your own eyes,then open your heart and observe me suffered on my knees bagging desperately for your presence in my life.Insyallah.Insyallah you will notice every scars you've put on me and you'll see how my smile faded every night when you showed your furore on me.Till then,my heart will keep on bleeding and you will keep on ripping me apart.Insyallah.One day you'll open your eyes.And see the truth,nothing else than the truth. =')

Raya Konvoi. =)

Who know today would be amazed with joys and laughters of Aidil fitri?Girls and boys came together and celebrates it despite the S.P.M trials we are facing?After a week of suffered in front of BOOKS,we tried to chill and relax a bit.Our eyes and wisdom were fatigue,but we managed to revived it with a gather of happiness in this  prosperity month.

We kick off first to FARAH's house.Her house was filled with beautiful girls.Adia,Mastura,Neesa,both Aisyah and not to mention two most cute and mischievous boys,Ammar and Hakim.As Charles and I arrived,without any time to waste,we as the SPECIAL guest,grabs our lunch and starts to dig some delicious dishes that were served.After had some bite of biscuits,we killed the time by talking and (Charles and I) observing the girls who wore baju kebaya.They were really gorgeous in it.I ponder to myself,what if.WHAT IF.WHAT IF AISYAH wore baju kebaya?Wouldn't it be awesome?

Next we off to Neesa's house.We really had a difficult time to get there.Imagined,Adia's Gen 2 is the only transport we had.And all of us were in it.Aren't we look really PACKED in it?But that's  aren't the bottom line.What worst is when Ammar have to sit on my lap and make some really REALLY mischievous actions.How could he....okay.Not gonna talk about it.
....

As we arrived in Neesa's house,we make ourself at home.Everyone were enjoying their conversations on what had happened between Ammar and me in the car.Oh god.Come to think of it,I was a lilhangdog with my own gayness.Erggh.SHAWAL.YOU ARE STRAIGHT.
NOT GAY. a reminder to my self* I felt a lil
dizzy.So I asked Neesa for penadols.She gave it to me and I took it straight away.
When my headache were faded,I
went to her kitchen and decided to offer a help.
She,Charles and Aisyah taught me how to slice some fish balls and
vegetables.As I was slicing the vegetables,Adia,out of sudden sprinkle water on me.
I was aghast but my tired eyes
were actually revived thanks to her sprinkled.
Then when I am done with slicing,Neesa asked me to watch how to
prepare fried mee.
As I was watching,she asked me to help her with some stuff to add in the fried mee.As the fried
mee cooked perfectly,I then served them on the table.Everyone were doubting my cook.
They afraid that they might
end up food poisoning.But thank god,none of them were poisoned.Alhamdullilah.

Next destination is my house.Adia and Mastura took their first trip to my house because they wanted to fetch the
girls after the boys.As we arrived in front of my gate,we were bored to death.So I've decided to grab my car keys
and show the boys my place.We took a spin for minutes and yet they were no where to found.I was a lil bit worried
about the girls.We decided to take another spin but yet a GEN 2 with a Mc Donald's sticker came right in front us.
I felt relief.Without any time to waste,we enter my small house.

To my surprise,Mama already prepared us with spegheti.It was really mouth water-ish!Nothing can beat my mom's
cooking skills!Everyone were enjoying it with a lil bit of MTV's entertainment on Astro.As the time past by,we
took some snaps and reveal our joyness in it.Thank you Allah.Thank you for giving me a day to spent with my
friends and also my extended family members.Thank you so much =) I hope today reminisce will never ceased =)
Insyallah =)

There's things that I want you to know. =)

Dear girl.
I know I'm might be pathetic when it comes to love.Maybe over protective when it comes in defending your dignity.Maybe jealous of every guy who caught your attention.But believe me,I did that because ILOVEYOU.I swear to god that ILOVEYOU. =)

I'm a guy without awesome look,fantastic personality or brilliant wisdom,but there's something that other guys out there doesn't have what I have.LOVE.Yes.They want to be with you because you pleased them with your looks.With your mischievous moves or perhaps make you one of their tools in life.But to me,you are my WORLD,my DREAMS and my LIFE. =)

People may end up thinking that you aren't the one for me.People may look down on us,but don't worry about what they think or say because they'll stop talking when they could see what we'll achieved one day.We can show the world what we are made off. =)

Nadiah.
I'm giving my best in our relationship.I know how important education is to us,and how worth is our life are.I just want you to know that I want to live my life with you.I'm not looking for a night-relationship with you,but I want to be the last men who be by your side at the end of your life.I know it's too early to say these things,but believe me,I'm going to work hard for us.Like,REALLY REALLY REALLY HARD for us =)

Till then,
What I can only do is provide us with doa for our success be it now nor future. =)
And Thanks for always remember that I love you.I hope you will always remember that my love towards you will never ever CEASED. =)

if a guy said he doesn't care about you,but he's still JEALOUS

I know my previous post is about how furore I am and how frustrating I am about this girl kan,But how pathetic, I do CARE about her.I keep on saying how bad she treated me,but deep inside of me,she's the only one who own my heart.I've tried to give it to other girls out there,but,I COULDN'T.Only Allah know how I felt deep inside.If a guy said he doesn't care about you,but he still jealous of you,what does it mean?I'm in the middle of hardship in choosing what's right and what's wrong.I wanted to stay faithful to her,but what about my soul?It has been suffercating for months.Is it fair for me and my soul?If love need sacrificed,well,I'll be proud to sacrifice my soul for it.But I only have one soul.Should it been the sacrificer in this ritual named LOVE?Gosh.I just wonder,have she ever think about my love before  she said that she LOVE him?I just wonder how could she gave her heart to someone she just knew when I was on my knees and bagging for it?How could SHE?gosh.Am I the one who need to blame for all this shit,or am i the one who need to clean this shit?oh god.Please show me what's best for me.PLEASE.I'm bagging you. :(

Enriqa The Guinea Pig =)

Today we have a new family member.Unlike us,she 's damn small and cute!She couldn't eat rice nor stand on two legs like us.She's white!Perhaps as white as the snow?I don't know..But She's WHITE!She leave in a white-ish cage.She's gentle and kindda shy with us,or should I say,AFRAID!She doesn't bite at all.Her name is Enriqa.She also have her own jawanese name!It's MONDHOK(oh how you pronounce it again,DAD? err -.-)!It was given by my dad,who unfortunately,a JAWANESE!But being a JAWANESE is AWESOME with a capital A!
That's All from me now. :) I'll upload her picture by umm.tonight?But no promises though =) Have fun.And SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO EVERYONE! :)

You are nothing else than a bitch =)

Hey Girl.Reading my blog huh?And are you surprise with my tittle today?Well,please don't.Because It's a fact.You know?I never taught of saying these,but yah.YOU ARE A BITCH! =)
I taught you were the girl who are worth it to sacrificed for.But you turns out into  A BITCH =) A fucking PLAYER! =) A super mother faker! =) You know when I gave you everything I had,I gave it ALL.And now when I've nothing else than HOPES,you left me alone. =) You once said that you need time to accept me,but it's funny when you use the time I provide just to replace me with an ass guy name FALIQ!HAHA! Okay bitch.I've lost Malik.I've lost my own blood line.I've lost my smile.I've lost my money.But the worst thing is that I've lost my happiness.Worse come to Worst,I've lost interest in you.All you need was a guy like me and get rid of me when you are done playing.Okay girl.i had enough with your lies.I had enough with you BITCHINESS!and last but not least,I HAD ENOUGH WITH YOU!Women always wanted to be treated right,But what about a guy like me?Am I a toy to these girls?Well,BITCH,these toy can speak!And it wont keep on silent when you treated him BAD!So,Bitch!I really hope that Allah will curse you till the end of your life!Dont blame KARMA after this.Blame YOU and YOUR stupid love!Haha!Okay I'm done swearing for today.Oh one more thing,a BITCH like YOU will NEVER learned your mistakes until a part of you were tore   apart!Thank you for treating me bad.THANK YOU! =)

Ashiteru. =)

There's this girl.

She's aint hot nor cute.Not gorgeous either.But one thing I do admire.Her beautiful soul.I don't know her that much,but i do know that I'm kindda 'LIKE' her.I wanted to say that I LOVE her,but I couldn't.Because I knew,LOVE is a word that had destroyed my life.Before I took another step into her world,I want to know her in and out.Physically and Mentally.I wouldn't want to draw another step that could put me in adversity.Love had failed me too many time before,and I wouldn't want to put the blame on LOVE when she turns out not the one who I wanna be with.Unlike those girls out there,she's something special.I found out that she had a boyfriend,but when I asked her on facebook,she told me that she's single.Miss Doraemon,are you speaking the truth,nothing else then the truth? =) I wish you were.I'm a guy who doesn't in favor in destroying other people's relationship,and that is just me.Once I knew that you are in a relationship,I'll get my ass out from your life,and return?I guess,it'll take years.It's been a while since I sing love songs,and is it me or my heart that always keep on recording beautiful  romantic songs from every genre,be it R&B to Traditional love songs.But  sometimes when I listen to them,I'll be thinking of miss 'Nadiah'.Who crashed my dreams with her unobtainable heart.Gosh.I swear I'm trying to forget about her,but she's keep on lingering in my mind.It's like there's a part of me who wants her to be with me all the time,and there's another part of me,who forced me to let her go.I'm struggled in both side of me.Gosh. sigh* But no matter what.I'm gonna stand tall with all my actions and talk louder for my rights!Btw miss DO-RA-E-MON,you always make me smile when I pronounce your name =) i don't mind to be your Mr.'GIANT' as long you'll be my Ms.DORAEMON =) Dont worry,if a guy once broke your heart,I'll glue it back for ya and if there's a guy who treated you bad,I'll make sure you'll be the queen in my world. =)

I'm scared.Scared to fall in love again.But I'm starting to like you =/

Just a few minutes till the first day of raya.Everything had changed.I can see the clouds turn blue once again.The moon rises perfectly above those clouds.I wonder would this be the end of us?I guess the word 'US' never really exist.

In this festive night,I should be celebrating with a smile instead of tears.But those tears.Is it for the love that we've sacrificed?Or is it just me who kept on thinking of you?Dear Allah,I hold my faith on you.Please give me the strength to overcome these problems.I've been asking you for a long time.'Is SHE the one for me?'

For once ya Allah,

I want someone who can take me just  the way I am.The one who will stick to me when facing our hardship together.The one who never get tired of saying that she love me,and never get bored when I said that I love them.But,the question is,who will be  the ONE?

After tore apart and falling harshly on the ground,I couldn't even be on my knees!My soul was taken and my body was tortured.My head was filled with grudges and my heart were found with scratches.But why?WHY THE  HELL am I still thinking of her?

Gosh.God had put me in an adversity in my own path.I don't know what's on his mind,but I do believe that this is the best for me.Ya Allah,I know you've met me with thousand girls out  there,who are BETTER than her.But I just wanna know if this new girl can really  replace her in my world and what's your guarantee that she will be faithful to me?Dear Allah,please gave me your guidance in order to overcome this misery.Amin.
 :'(

If you were searching for someone perfect,I'm sorry,I wouldn't be the one.

The greatest thing about me in us is that  I always keep

on falling for you.I know my presence is your ignorance

and your ignorance put me in much adversity.Your attention

is what I'm hoping for,but my hopes makes me topsy-turvy.

You triumphantly makes me crashed down and tore me apart.

As I gave you my world,gave you my fantasy,gave you my 

everything,I wouldn't want anything else other than to make

it so obvious that I love you.I want you to know that ever single

minutes I've been thinking of you.But were you thinking

of me for even a second?I was there,standing next to you when

you were facing your problems,and I was there to assist

you.But when I come a cropper within those misery and needed

your help,where the hell were you?

And as we fought  for almost everything we had,we were actually
destroying

every single bond that we have.And you asked me,

'do I love hurting you?' What kind of question is that?

Frankly said,what I've hurt you are nothing compared to what you've

hurt me before.Despite every scratches that we had in our reminisce
there's a bit of joyness in it,and honestly said that I 

wouldn't want it to fade.Unlike you,I appreciate our reminisce.

What are words when you wouldn't understand  every sentence of it?

And what are actions when you couldn't see it?

I've put all my efforts just to get you by my side,

but I guess I was just a fool who scared to loose you.But this foolish

guy had enough!It's time to set my problems free.I would

rather loosing you than making your life even worst!

I know I'm not a guy who always drew smile on your face,and

I wouldn't want to make it fade either.I would rather see it from 

far than make it disappear.I guess i'm not even qualified to be

your mr.perfect,and you are not even close to be my ms.perfect.

I know I wouldn't find someone who are better than you,but at least

she understands me better than you.I know I promised to be 

faithful to you,
but what's the point when we are no longer on the same path?

I'm sorry.But sorry wont get you by my side.So why 

the hell am i apologizing for?Well,it's for the love that had ceased in us.

R.I.P love. :')